Demonology
by MegMellow
Summary: Sesshomaru's story of his younger years. It tells about his mother and other experiances that have made him the way he is. It is told by Sesshy in first person, just to clarify.
1. Introduction to Destruction

Hiya! This is my story of Sesshomaru's earlier years, told in first person. I always wanted to write a first person story of him because he is rather interesting and I thought it would be fun to try and get inside his head. Alright. I'm done. Hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha. That should go with out saying, but just to be safe...

PS: Don't be afraid to send some criticism my way. I don't mind at all. In fact, I need to know if any improvements are possible. Thanx.

It is impossible to fully understand someone unless you have seen the world through their eyes; however it _is_ rather easy to pass judgment quickly. You can see the worn faces of the peasants as they accomplish their humdrum tasks day after day. If you are like myself, you naturally look down upon them, naturally see them as inferior. But as I am now starting to realize, you can never, in all tangibility know their sorrow for you have not lived it. Likewise, when I ponder the spirit of a certain brother of mine, it is similarly ineffectual to comprehend him. What I do understand though, (and I understand it quite well) is the basis of my hatred of him. I suppose if is unfair to have never let him know in a clear manner, but unless he is the most brainless of fools he should have a mild understanding already.

My half-breed brother has, even before his birth, been a burden. It was, as one might come to understand through a bit of explaining, his mother who in short caused me, as well as my father, much dishonor. It must have been about 70 years ago that this ordeal began, perhaps longer if you take _my_ mother into account. I suppose it would make the most sense to begin there.

My late mother, Kirei, was among the fairest women to have ever been created. Unusually tall for a woman, she held her head a lofty 5 feet and 11 inches above the ground. Kirei had shoulder length hair that was platinum in color, but had pinkish sheen to it. Her eyes were sharp and brilliantly viridescent; they aptly displayed her intelligence and assertiveness. She also bore two amethyst-colored stripes on her cheeks and a crescent moon marking on her forehead. My mother had a strange and seductive air about her. She moved gracefully and fluidly as though she were water coursing down the blade of a tilted sword. All of her movements were smooth, as was her voice. It was a fragment of the liquid midnight sky taken down and woven into her throat to give her power to make even the mighty bow before her like saplings in a tempest. Kirei was not much of a fighter, at least not physically; however she possessed an uncanny charisma and charm. She could have make near anyone believe anything she told them. Using this ability, she was able to bolster her political standing. She gained more power in the country then most men simply because she could sway the masses. My father caught on to this, as he would to anything threatening his power or his people. When he was still alive, he had told me that my mother was psychotically imperialistic; as soon as she had acquired new territory, she had an insatiable desire for more. My father told me that the first time he met her was on the battlefield. Although she was nearly incapable of fighting herself, Kirei was audacious and brilliant on in battle and thus she was capable of motivating others while they fought. Supposedly, Kirei had invaded Father's territory with thousands of zealous samurai at her disposal. These men and demons alike fought to the death for even the slightest fraction of her attention. Where she managed to find this magnitude of soldiers and control them in the way she did was baffling, even to my father who could had killed half of them in mere seconds.

"Your mother is bold and determined," he later told me. "Her confidence is unsettling and way with words unimaginable. She can form phrases that are more deadly than a million sharp katanas."

As one may expect, my father, the Lord of the Western Lands, was able to wipe out her entire force single-handedly. When she was the last one standing, my father had asked her, "Are you going to back down?"

"It depends on what you mean by "back down"," she replied. "If you mean "Am I leaving _this_ battlefield now", then yes, however if you meant to ask if you were to be rid of me for good, then I have but to say that I have only just begun."


	2. Mother

From that first encounter, my father had always been intrigued by Kirei. How could he not have been? Here was this woman, nearly 6 feet tall and stunningly beautiful who pulled the strings of thousands as easily as most others breathe. She was truly other-worldly; as a young child, I believed she was a goddess, presiding over the world with regal dignity. My father knew he would see her again, but he did not expect her to act as she did. The next time Kirei appeared before my father, she came alone, but clad in the same armor she had worn in the battlefield.

"Do you intend to fight me alone?" he had inquired.

"Of course. There are no ghost samurai behind me; just to inform you," she responded.

"And do you intend to win?"

"Yes. I never settle for less. But what I do not intend to do is draw a weapon against you. If you can understand, I have an atypical disease." To this, I could imagine my father's amber eyes would have narrowed into a strange glare. "It is a disease," she continued, "for which there is technically but one cure. I have a lust for land and power that will drive me to the edge of my sanity, then eventually to my death. There is no soothsayer needed for this prediction. My foresight has told me how the rest of my life is going to be, yet there is very little I can do about it. I need someone to...what shall I say? ...Keep me in line." She would have paused for a moment then continued by saying "When I witnessed your raw power the last time we met, I was truly inspired. Like a righteous, celestial assassin you restored an order like which I have never seen before. The atmosphere on that battlefield was absolutely surreal. It was life-shattering and I was almost beyond words; in a sense, I still am."

"You love me because I am powerful?" my father asked her.

"If only it were so simple. That order, that tranquility...I lust for _that_ within my soul like nothing else. I am slowly tearing myself apart. As you have come to understand, I am a malady to myself and the rest of the world. Lord, you are my cure, the one and only. You must destroy me, completely eradicate me from this earth or instill that tranquility that you have shown during warfare. If you do neither, I guarantee that I will annihilate everything, and then perish with the rest of existence. I ask humbly that you give me a chance."

This in itself would have been shocking to anyone familiar with my mother. She was obsequious to no one, she bowed to no one, she took orders from no one unless it suited her. Kirei was immensely proud. At this point in her life, not a soul would have expected her to be 'ask humbly' for a single, solitary thing. But proud as she was, she valued her life. She realized for once that she had to swallow this pride of hers, (as bitter a pill as that was) for her life relied upon it.

"It pains you to say that, doesn't it?" inquired my father.

Mother would have chuckled lightly. "Only if you refuse."

Father told me that he was taken by her for reasons he didn't have explanations for. At first he did not love her, but believed what she had told him. Father's sharp intuition rarely steered him in the wrong direction. He did not wish to kill her, for he found her to be interesting and thus worth his time and affections. It took them awhile to bond, but once they did, it seemed that nothing could separate them. My mother did indeed dispel her power-hungry ways. Of course that would always be part of her, but she was able to suppress it with the guidance of my father. It seemed like she was correct in assuming that my father would save her. It seemed as if there would be a fairy tale ending, like things were finally in their places and life was as it should be.

* * *

Over time, Kirei fell deeply in love with my father and he was taken by her as well. They seemed to belong together. Kirei would follow my father into battle and assist him in any other way possible. She put her speaking skills to use to keep my father in favor with the people during hard times. This was of utmost importance in the turbulent warring times. Even my father could only suppress one rebellion or riot at a time. My parents did argue occasionally, but that happens in all relationships. My mother always spoke her mind and often behaved in a flagrant manner that is not typical of females. She refused to bow to the other lords, showing respect to my father alone. She was extremely respectful toward my father, however she debated politics with him frequently. They held some opposing views; Father was content ruling his division of the country while Mother thought he should dominate the world. She always obeyed him though and never acted on her theories. She became totally devoted to him and would have flung herself off the face of the earth if it pleased him. After all, she credited him with saving her life.

Mother told me that my arrival was this highlight of her life. She and Father zealously adored me. Mother was the one who chose my name, which means "Killing Perfection". I would have expected nothing less from her, for she was certain I would inherit my father's strength and power. Father, on the other hand, wanted my name to mean something a touch less violent; he told me later that he never expected his innocent little son to turn into a killer. However he submitted to my mother out of respect.

Mother was always by side. No matter the circumstances, she defended me. Father told me stories of the trouble I caused when I was younger, often with a smile and laugh.

"You were hell-spawn as a kid," he told me. "I can't forget that time you snuck out of the estate in the middle of the night and wandered into Lord Ishido's garden, tore the plants to shreds, killed all the fish in the ponds and then managed to get into his kitchen. His servants were terribly worried, thinking an 'evil spirit' chanced upon the house." Then he laughed. "Lord Ishido found you at the same time as your mother. It is funny now, but I honestly thought she was going to slaughter someone. You nearly gave her a heart attack. Then there was that time you decided to let all the animals in the village out. As destructive as that was, it was in a way rather amusing."

"Oh yes." Mother sighed in recollection of that event. "That was certainly was quite a day. First you go missing. Of course I was feverishly worried about you; you never failed to get in trouble. When you father came back and told me that there was a report of the animals getting out, we both knew you were responsible. You are so lucky he found you. Those animals were dangerous." She was referring to the dragons and other demon animals used for labor and transportation. Any one of them could have easily mauled a young child such as myself. "But I will admit. It was extremely amusing to see those feeble geisha women running for their lives."

As soon as she knew I was in Father's care, Mother sat back and watched the show. She despised most other beings, especially geishas. She saw them as disgusting whores who disgraced women in general. She hated how they were so fawning, imprudent, and submissive and she especially hated the fact that they were more often than not tiny in size. Mother was very tall and slender and looked down on anyone shorter than herself. I suppose it was part of her superiority complex. She would have also been amused by the fact that my father was the one who, as usual, restored order.

The next day, those who lost property confronted my mother, demanding she pay them back for the damage I caused. She refused, saying the damage was a fitting punishment for not making the enclosures unable to withstand a child.

There were numerous other accounts where I ran off, only to be found by my frantic mother. When she found me, she would always say the same thing, never angry and always in her sweetest tone "My little koinu! Don't run off on me like that! I could never forgive myself if something were to happen to you." I was the only one my mother showed any mercy toward.

(A/N: koinu means "puppy")

In other respects, Kirei was strict with me, but in a gentle fashion. She taught me to respect myself and to be proud of my heritage. She also instilled in me a tremendous reverence for my father. Kirei was abrasive and did belittle others when it pleased her, but she never directly encouraged me to do so. She was also my formal educator, teaching me how to read, write, and speak in a dignified manner. Despising foul language, she scolded me whenever I uttered a "bad word". But I know she loved me. We spent much of our time together when I was a child because Kirei was so rabidly protective of me. When my father was away fighting, she never left my side. In fact, up until the time when she realized that I am by no means a weakling, Kirei was extremely nervous when I was not in either her company or that of my father.

As I grew older, my father began teaching me the ways of war and how to defend myself. When I was old enough and possessed enough skill, my father let me fight along side him. I never felt remorse for killing anything, but my father seemed sullen after bloody battles. I never questioned this, just disregarded it as a difference in personality. From the beginning, I noticed my father was compassionate towards humans, more so than any other demon. This was, and still is, strange to me. Feeling compassion and remorse for those beneath me is simply not in my nature.

Father was especially compassionate for a certain human woman he had encountered while subduing a rebellion in a wealthy city by the sea. She was breathtakingly beautiful; delicate as a flower, soft-spoken, docile and tiny. She was exactly the sort of woman Mother would have despised. Father sent me home, telling me that my assistance was no longer required for the moment.

"I appreciate your help, Sesshomaru, but I believe I have this situation under control. You can leave now. Tell your mother I intend to be home soon," he told me.

I was suspicious, however I subdued my worries with the thought that my father would never stoop so low as to betray my mother with a human. I didn't tell my mother; she would have been unbearably cross after hearing such an account. But Kirei had a keen intuition about her and there were certain secrets that couldn't be held in for long by neither my father nor myself.


	3. Calm Before the Storm

I arrived back to my home city early in the afternoon. The sun was blotted out by clouds that shrouded it like wet paint running down a wall. Sharp flecks of sunlight still pierced the cloudy veil to dance upon the shoulders and faces of the servants. Most of the wealthy women around shaded themselves with colorful umbrellas. They flitted around on land as the ornamental fish do in the many ponds scattering the town.

My father had left me in a state of suspicion; his earlier actions seemed unusual. He didn't look me straight in the eyes the last time he spoke to me, contradicting his normal sincerity. He also seemed a touch nervous. During my pondering, I encountered Eva, a young female whose parents had fled from a country called Spain because they had committed murder and high treason. Supposedly they had the princess-to-be murdered so that Eva could be wed to the prince. Wanting nothing to do with him, she told the King in anonymous letters of the incident and also that her father was plotting against him, but that is another story entirely. Eva was liberal in telling her family's secrets, (much to the dismay of her parents) so conversations with her were always somewhat entertaining. My mother never liked her for her foul mouth and almost psychotic aggressiveness, but I could tolerate her in small doses.

"Whaddup, jerk?" she asked, using her ever-vile language. Although fluent in her parents' native tongue and Japanese, she used the basest words with almost as much frequency as her heart beats. And to think her parents aspired for her to be a princess.

Of course, I had no desire to be in her company with my own problems brewing on the horizon like a looming tempest. I glared at her sternly and ignored her rude greeting.

"Shit, Fluffy. What kind of thorn is stuck in your ass today?" she inquired using a childish nickname to taunt me, again as was her habit.

"I have neither the time nor patience to deal with you today. Save me the trouble and silence yourself."

"Feh. Whatever. See ya around, asshole," she told me and walked away.

After the brief interlude, I found my mother. She was musing in a garden, staring into the water of a small pond as I approached. Beautiful as usual, she lie on her side, propping herself up with an arm. Her hair dangled at her shoulders in loose bunches that resembled fine silk which had not yet woven into cloth. The few available shards of sunlight seemed to favor her company and thus lingered by her, illuminating her against the overcast weather.

"Hello, Sesshomaru. Where might your father be?" she calmly asked my reflection. I could smell her suspicion already as her deep emerald eyes turned and gazed upon my form, searching for an answer.

"He is finalizing a treaty...or something of the sort."

"Come now. You are not one to be hesitant and you are certainly no good at lying to your own mother."

"There is nothing to be suspicious about," I snapped, raising my voice a bit too much to be convincing. She knew that I could always keep calm unless something was extremely vexing, so this response only made her more worried.

Kirei smirked slyly and rose to my level. She extended a hand and with gentle fingers pushed a small strand of my hair aside.

"Suspicious? I never hinted of any such thing. But now that you mention it, would you like to tell me what I should be suspicious about?" she asked, using her power over words to get out of me something which I never intended to leak through.

"It is none of my business," I explained. In the midst of my own uncertainty I had been trapped. Not willing to lie to my mother or condemn my father for the adultery I was almost certain he committed, I kept my mouth shut. I was certain, however that Kirei would pry it out of him.

"Alright. I will just talk it over with him when he returns. I'm sure it's nothing otherwise you would have told me. So how was the trip, love?" she asked, still trying to squeeze a confession out of me. Kirei was making me feel guilty and anxious. Instead of lingering, I wanted to leave and clear my mind of everything. This tension was truly picking me apart and although I showed no outward signs, Kirei, being my mother who had known me for my whole life, could read me as if I were children's book. It felt as though things were out of my control, which annoyed me to no end.

"Fine...except I am fatigued. I will retire early," I lied, then bowed slightly and turned to leave, my mother's piercing eyes burrowing into me the most painful wounds of guilt I had ever felt.


	4. Betrayal and 'Murder'

A shrill wind whipped through the city when my father finally returned the next evening. There was an irony; I could feel a storm growing in the air as well as between my parents. I was standing in a doorway, Kirei still in the garden, when he had approached her. She embraced him excitedly then pulled back and asked him how he was.

"I am well, Kirei, although I am tired. I will be retiring early tonight," he told her, his voice poisoned with a guilt ten times more than that I felt.

"Well that's the same thing your son said, yet it seemed that this journey was uneventful. Neither of you have any dazzling stories to tell, so certainly you are exaggerating your 'tiredness'," Kirei said in a nonchalant tone, coyly wrapping one of her platinum tresses around her index finger. "Or _is_ there a dazzling story you wish to tell me?"

My father glared at me, saying nothing, but immediately relaxed his stare, most likely remembering that my mother had an intuition like a sixth sense; able to read others and almost know their intentions before they said anything. He then averted his eyes to my mother, giving her a distressful, sensitive sort of look.

"What is with the sympathetic looks lately, dearest? Ever since you began going to that sea port town, you can't seem to look at me without an air of shamefulness," she cooed with innocence meant to invoke more remorse from my father, then drastically changed her tone to jagged and demanding. "What is it that you are hiding from me? Even if you don't tell me now, my son will, so you may as well come clean." She knew I was watching.

I saw my father sigh, then take one of Kirei's fragile hands in his. "I know you suspect a dishonorable act on my behalf and it is with good reason. I do regret to inform you that I have been...unfaithful. I have fallen in love with a mortal woman...I never meant to hurt you...and before you say a word, understand that there is little one can do when he loves someone, but doesn't understand her. There is little I can do, Kirei. You are too much for me."

"But I understand betrayal," she said her voice surprisingly amiable and cocky. "It is something even the lowliest scum can comprehend. You don't think enough of me to remain loyal, so I should not be surprised that you don't think I understand a concept so simple. But what you forgot to mention is that you care nothing for your son's name and reputation, let alone my own. Now he is burdened by a father who is disgraceful and possibly; God forbid, a half-demon sibling. How utterly selfish of you. You first son Sesshomaru will feel the impacts of your actions for long after your death." Kirei snapped. "And less importantly, you have killed me."

"What are you talking about?" Father asked.

Kirei slowly produced the dagger that she carries in her obi. She gently pushed back from him and held it to her throat, its brilliant steel sharpness resting on her, delicate bare skin. "It is not my hand that holds the handle of this knife, dear. It is not the hand of your devoted mate, the mother of you son, the woman who loves you more than any human possibly could. It is not the hand that soothed you stressed brow or penned numerous speeches for the betterment of you name. It is your own hand, singed by venomous betrayal and eternal degradation. Don't you see it?" My father's eyes remained steadfastly plastered on Kirei's. "This is what dishonesty does, my love; this is the product of weakness." Kirei concluded calmly. My mother looked at me and smiled, then looked back to my stunned father.

"Mother! Stop being so brash!" I called to her, taking a small step in her direction.

Instead of speaking, she shot me a glance, not angry, but it was warning me against interfering.

"Kirei. Listen to your son. For his sake; not mine, don't do this," he said, trying to pacify a woman who was already as serene as a mirror still lake.

She chuckled in response to his comment. "Dear, I am doing nothing. I love you; I always have adored you and my son. Don't you recall what I told you? I'm not holding any knife. Just remember," she said, eerily composed, "That this is not suicide." With that, (and much to my surprise and horror) my mother flicked her wrist, drawing the blade gracefully over the fair, delicate skin of her throat. A trickle of blood seeped out of her neck, then on to her gold-colored kimono, instantly turning the upper half of it a glistening vermillion. Her emerald eyes shone, glazed and appeased by the point she undoubtedly made. My father caught her lifeless body, the quickly glanced over to me. I was mortified; my throat closed up and I could not have spoken even if I had wanted to. Swiftly, I disappeared behind a door, and then slammed it as a light rain began to fall.

Once inside, I fell to my knees, ashamed of my father, but moreover grieving the loss of my only mother. I could hear the rain pound more steadily on the roof and see the dull, flittering light of a candle on the wall; I could smell the wood of the floor and feel the gentle lick of silk on my arms, however all that seemed unimportant in comparison to the tears I tasted on behalf of a fateful treachery.


	5. Aftermath

My father came to speak with me the following day. The storm had passed and the sun was shining on Kirei's musing pool where I had been sitting since dawn. By this time, I had regained my composure. My mind was clear again, and although I had certainly not forgotten the previous days events, I seemed oblivious to the world; my attitude not even hinting that I had broken down merely hours ago. He came up behind and I rose to acknowledge his presence.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked.

He knew exactly what was going through my mind; he knew that fervently condemned his actions and he knew that I was furious about the consequences with out me having to say a word. I glanced at him, and then focused my gaze on the mountain range that rose in the distance. Silence was my answer and my father understood it exactly.

"I had no malign intentions; believe me. I will admit it was weakness on my behalf, but as of now, I can only offer my apologies," he told me. His voice was confident again, much unlike his sheltered and jittery speak if yesterday.

"Your apologies don't raise the dead," I replied calmly.

"I understand that, although I honestly wish they could. You must know that I never wished death on Kirei; I did love her. But at times, she could be overbearing, violent, and antagonistic. I just-"he began to say before I cut him short.

"It's just you tired of her because she had a powerful personality. You longed for a meek, submissive doll who would never speak her mind; someone weak and easy to manipulate with hardly a brain of her own." I explained with a sharp undertone in my voice.

"It is not as you say! I know you better than to think you will understand my position on this. But you should know that your mother was eccentric. I cared for her very much, but all the love in the world could not change that."

"Father. The last thing I will _ever_ say to you in regards to my mother is that she was _not_ the eccentric one."


	6. HalfDemon

My father and I were on good terms again a few days after my mother's death, although there was a certain tension between us that had never been there before. It was unspoken and unnoticeable to most, but he and I knew full well it would be there forever. I began spending more time by myself, sometimes wandering the land aimlessly as if controlled by some strange force in the cosmos. That aside, I did still fight battles along side my father; most of which were unimportant skirmishes. They did, however, sharpen my combat skills and agility. I spared nothing in the pursuit of perfection and spent much of my time fostering my natural fighting abilities

My father, on the other hand, spent much of his time with the mortal woman he had so carelessly fallen for. I say this is salt in my wounds, but in order to not further complicate matters between he and I, I said nothing about it. Besides, as my father he did know me well enough to comprehend the majority of my behavior. Nothing needed saying when he returned from that Godforsaken sea port city. He already knew my stance on his actions so nothing of the sort needed discussion. He spoke nothing of his mortal love interest to me until he discovered that he was going to be a father again. When he told me, I let out a brief, quiet laugh and told him, "That is your own problem. I will have nothing to do with it."

"Sesshomaru," he said, slightly irritated. "It is not a problem at all from where I am standing and I don't expect you'll make it one."

"You will change your stance one day, Father. Trust me. Half-demons are scorned on this earth. They don't belong anywhere. They are a simply a disgraceful symbol of cross-breeding," I told him contemptuously.

"And to think you will have one as a sibling," he said in a successful attempt to smite me.

After a brief silence, he said, "You will not harm my child. I know you well and I know what you do to things that you see as troublesome or annoying."

I said nothing to this. My father, when he needed to be, was terribly intimidating; even I was cautious. I hate to say I was jealous, but it was indeed true. I had always been my father's only child. I must say, however, I could have dealt with it a bit better were my sibling not a half-demon byproduct of my father's betrayal.

A few years went by uneventfully until my father had the audaciousness to bring his new family to our village. His wife or whatever he considered that woman was in fact extremely beautiful, however I resented he and her fluid, luminous voice. I resented even more the young child who looked strikingly similar to my father and I in terms of basic features such as hair and eye color. My brother was so innocent and naïve. I almost pitied him, but instead loathed him. I could not help but feel this animosity towards him, for what was he but the reason my mother had died? A half-demon travesty, a garnishment on my name and my fathers. A living icon of the biggest rift in my life; a life I need to have control of in order to be content. I scorned him so that even the sight of him was enough to infuriate me.

"Father. I must take leave," I told him, glaring at the others in his company.

"Yes. I actually thought you were elsewhere anyway," he said, not meaning to be offensive. It made sense that he would not want confrontation. For the time being I, would keep my distance from them. Patience, I thought, would find me my vengeance eventually.


	7. Father's Joke

A/N: This is just a rather random chapter. I decided it would be fun to throw it in. Yeah. Instead of doing my stupid history essay, I am doing this. Fanfics are a lot more fun than history. It's scientifically proven.

I avidly avoided my father's half-demon son. I did, as I had told father before, want nothing at all to do with him. Father understood and even appreciated that. He truly believed that I was a threat to the child, who I learned was named Inuyasha. I would never have the daring to attack that child with my father alive anyway. Despite everything, I held a great amount of respect for my father and (at first anyway) had no intention of hurting my...brother. It disgusts me to call him as such. I don't think he deserves a demon as a brother, but it is a fact that I must stop denying and come to terms with. Life, as I have learned, is not always fair or honorable. This fact has led me to believe that is sometimes alright to go about thing in a traditionally illegitimate manner. If life is unfair, I have the right to bend the rules as well. It is often the only way to get by.

Aside from all of that, I have had some interesting, if not mildly amusing events take place in the years after my mother's demise. To begin with, Father arranged for me to marry Eva, my childhood friend. Her parents had constantly pestered him about it for years. They wanted to cement her in the upper social ranks.

"_Por favor_ Inutaisho," her mother begged, mixing her native language with ours. "Eva needs to settle down with someone trustworthy before she gets too old."

Father seemed amused; he knew that her concerns were more about status than Eva's age or well-being. "Well," he had said, "I don't see anything wrong with it."

"_Gracias, señor_! You won't be sorry!"

At this point, my father turned away from her and laughed quietly. He knew ahead of time what the outcome would be, but thought it entertaining to toy with others as long as the result was harmless.

When my father told me about it, I laughed.

"Surly you are jesting?" I asked him.

"I'm afraid not. Besides it's time you settle down. I think it will be good for you."

At the time, I didn't realize he was simply messing around with us; exercising his sense of humor since it hadn't been used in awhile. Things were going well and there was not much fighting in my father's territory. At times like this he was able to relax form warfare and worry about plainer aspects of life.

"And if I refuse?" I inquired.

"Surely you wouldn't go against your Lord father's wishes," he told me, then walked away laughing.

I was almost dumbfounded. Marrying anyone then just seemed so unfathomable. I never stayed in one place for very long and I believed that I was above needing companionship. And beside that, he wanted me to marry Eva. Now would be a good time to explain that she was...a unique character, a loose-tongued spaz with a volatile temper. She couldn't keep a secret for her life and to be honest, her sanity was questionable. She could be very sweet however, but only for brief time periods. Then she was right back to cursing and flipping out when things didn't go her way. Eva possessed little self-control, starkly opposing my discipline. Then, when extremely frustrated, she would ramble for hours in her native language. This might not seem like much, but I was incredibly annoyed by the fact that I couldn't understand what she was saying. I had nightmares about life with her. I could not believe that Father actually expected me to abide by his wishes this time.

"_Díos mío_!" she told me, speaking so fast it was nearly impossible to understand. "I can't marry you! You're a stuck-up brat and what the hell is that thing you wear on your shoulder?!? And that means kids! I can't stand kids! They're so loud and impossible! Oh Sesshomaru! I don't think it's you! I don't want to marry anyone, especially you, but are our fucking parents insane?! I think they are. I truly think they are! Dammit Dammit Dammit!" At this point, I could not longer decipher her words. They were too fast and slurred. "Ijustcantbelievethisitsinsaneitstortureiamsogoingtodie!" Then she fell into my arms. "For God's sake Fluffy! You have to save me from you!"

"You have nothing to worry about, Eva. I'll kill you before I'd ever marry you." I explained.

"Oh yeah. That makes me feel a lot better ass hole!" she screamed, shoving herself away from me. Panting franticly and walking away, she said "I'll fix this! Just you wait! Then you'll thank me! Then you'll finally appreciate something other than yourself because I am totally going to fix this shit!"

Like so many other times in my life, I had nothing to say. Silence is often much more effective than words anyway.

The next day, Eva came up to me smiling as I have never seen anyone smile before.

"We're not getting married!" she exclaimed excitedly. "I told my parents that if they made me go through with it, I would kill myself and frame them for it. Then I told them that you would be pissed of and come to avenge me so they would die too and they thought I was serious so they listened and we're not getting married because I am awesome!"

"Feh. I would definitely come to avenge you." I mumbled sarcastically.

"Yeah well you should cut the sarcasm crap because I just saved your ass! You should be thanking me, you jerk!"

"Thank you Eva, for making yourself scarce," I told her.

"Oh I can take a hint. See ya later, ass hole!" She said and skipped away humming an obnoxiously happy tune.

Later that day, my father came up to me and said, "So sorry things didn't work out."

By now, I had realized that he had played a joke on me. If he really intended me to marry Eva, he would not let her back out so easily. Knowing this, I told him "Father you really should get your laughs elsewhere. Just listening to that woman for a minute is enough to cause insanity."

"Well you really need to loosen up sometimes. Life need not always be as serious as you make it seem." He lectured. "If nothing else, this will be a funny story to tell down the line." He concluded by laughing some more then leaving me with my thoughts.

"Loosening up is letting your guard down," I believed silently. "It is unnecessary weakness." This would remain my position on the matter for many, many years to come.


	8. Forever

I had always taken for granted that Father would be there; consistent and ever-lasting as the sun. I revered him, immortalized him in my mind so much that I thought it impossible for him to ever be gone forever. His eternal absence was nothing more than a whisper of an ancient childhood nightmare. But I had to come to the realization of his demise that breezy spring day he came back to the village in shambles. Quite frankly, I had never seen anyone bleed that much before and the fact that it was my father filled me with a sick, disgusting feeling. I rushed over to him, knowing already that my efforts would be in vain, for no one, not even my father could survive those wounds. He was taken, by my orders, to a tidy medical hut; essentially to his death bed. I knew he would never leave that hut alive. When I entered the hut, I could tell he knew it too. His eyes were ever-brilliant, yet they conveyed that eerie sense of an honorable defeat. They told the bitter-sweet story of the powerful demon lord who, after many trails of character and physical strength had finally met his match.

"Father. What happened to you?" I asked him, all too aware that there was a waver in my voice. I would have preferred to have kept silent for I felt helpless and my tone depicted that, but Father would not judge me on this, so I disregarded it.

"Everyone has his limits," he said simply. His voice was still powerful, even in his weakened state.

"But that doesn't answer my question."

My father let out a short laugh. "So demanding. You just can't let it go," he told me, his tone amiable and good-natured. After a slight pause, he told me, "I had to protect them. That demon threatened their existence and I had to protect them."

I knew what "them" he was referring to, then scoffed inwardly, infuriated by the fact that "they" had cost me my other parent. "They" would pay for my suffering on their behalf, but my father need not know that. I would let him rest assured that I would not bring up our past conflicts during his last moments. I respected him far too much to let him die on bad terms with me.

"What demon did this to you?" I inquired, my desire for vengeance getting a hold of me at a most inappropriate time.

"It doesn't matter. I have already laid him dormant anyway."

There was another silence. My mind was almost frantic with an obscure fear, a fear I only felt when aspects of my life were out of my power. My father's breath became more labored, but he seemed to accept it with immeasurable dignity.

"Do you remember when you told me that apologies don't raise the dead?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, but that is...I don't care about that right now."

"Do me a favor and listen." He was whispering now, and obviously losing strength quickly. "There is a sword smith by the name of Toto-sai. I had him forge a sword for you." At this point, he gave me a wry glance. "You're clever. I know you will figure everything out." Another silence.

"Father, I am unsure of your intentions...but you know I have put Mother's death behind me. You know I no longer bare any grudge against you," I explained. We both knew that it was at this moment my grudge had been lifted; not before, but it was lifted none the less and finally all tensions were gone.

"Yes. I do know," he told me. Then he smiled at me, and told me, his good nature showing through even in death, "See you around, kid."

"Forever is a long time to wait to see you again, Father. I will miss you." And with that, he was gone.

And thus was the demise of my father. It happened so suddenly that I felt almost as if it had never happened at all. I would return to father's village, expecting to see him there. Every time I noticed that he wasn't, I put up another invisible shield around myself. Father wasn't there to back me up now so I had to be more and more defensive of myself; more and more emotionless and impartial to the world and its inhabitants and at the same time try to find my lot in life. Father had left me his land, a land in which the denizens were loyal to him and thus to me, his heir. This instilled in me a certain power which I could draw from if need be. I did not involve myself with those people as my father had, still scorning them as inferior, however I did defend then when it pleased me out of respect for my father.

I stayed out of my brother's life, although I did run into him occasionally. I ignored him, rarely feeling the desire to speak to him, still hating him and contemplating revenge. At that time, though, my time was better spent gaining power and establishing myself as a formidable figure in the country. I had come to believe that I would find my place in a position of power, control and independence, and until the time of a fateful war, I believed I had everything figured out as Father said I would. I had, however, forgotten about some aspects of my life that were far too important to push off to the side forever.


	9. More Fuel to the Fire

A while back, years before he had died, Father waged war against a tribe of imposing cat demons. He beat the leader easily and restored peace to the region. I had nothing to do with that battle; Father thought I was still too young to engage in true warfare at that time. After many years of remission, they returned and attempted to get their revenge by ravaging my territory. Obviously I could not let them take the land that had been my father's and that doesn't even take into account that I would never let anyone keep something that is mine. However, they would be a formidable enemy for they were resentful for the death of their master and I had few allies in the beginning. Many other demon lords in the region were bitter about my rising authority and would have loved to have watched me flounder after a string of recent victorious battles. Jaken, without my direct permission, would try to amass the support of the lords in the region and all would laugh and turn their backs. One of my longtime enemies, Taizomaru, would actually confront me on the matter.

"Well if it isn't the Lord War Monger Sesshomaru," he said mockingly and trying (and I hate to say successfully) to be demeaning. He is arrogant, but in an "I'm better than you, so I pity you" sort of way. He is a demon, but an avid humanitarian like my father was. This is definitely not a trait I respect in a demon especially. It shows ignorance to the true order of power. "Things have a way of evening themselves out, don't they? It is inevitable that you meet your match eventually. But I don't see how you could have the audacity to ask anyone else for help. You got yourself into this alone and you will have to sort it out yourself."

"This is a remnant of my father's war, you ignorant fool." I snapped at him, despising him. His strange yellow hair fluttered and his weird icy-blue eyes glimmered as he laughed.

"Yes but if you weren't such an ignorant fool yourself the other lord's of the region would assist you and it would be over in a day. Instead, you will fail painfully over a long period of time. I do hope you enjoy this, for it is sure to be your last battle" he told me.

I simply abhorred him. A decedent of the cat demon tribe himself, he would not help me anyway, as much as he hated the brutal, imperialistic ways of his family. I also knew if I died, he would take over my father's land. He was known through out the land for his kindness, compassion, and composure. He ruled a large sect of the southern lands, appealing to the people with his "good nature and empathy". I could not comprehend how people say these as his strengths. Taizomaru sacrificed so much for the humans under his jurisdiction; his wife and son later be murdered by an old friend Hataki who turned violent toward him. I don't know the whole story; nor do I care to, but I do know that he was once a vassal of the previous Lord of the South; as was Hataki. When he was killed, he left the land to Taizomaru and Hataki waged jealous warfare on him. He had to resort to those methods because Taizomaru was a formidable military force. Taizomaru was a fool for all he had given to the mortals; he was a fool for being so light with them. He even paid some of the debts of poor peasants with his own revenues. His way of governing could be aptly described as compassionate communism.

(A/N: I don't know if the word 'communism' even existed back then, but hey. Whatever.)

I, on the other hand, had little, if anything to do with the people. I cared not whether they thrived or failed so long as they paid their taxes. I defended them not because I cared, but because they in habited the land that was the basis of my power. I would never give up as much as Taizomaru on their behalf. However, I would be damned to hell before I let a group of disgusting cat demons defeat me and I would never let my enemy take over my territory.

The leader of the cat demon tribe was the blue-haired ice mistress Touron. She and her siblings were bent on destroying me to avenge their father and Master's death. Touron herself was the most difficult enemy. I personally battled her while a her siblings and minions slaughtered my force, most of whom felt "indebted" to Father after he saved them from the cat demons years ago and came back to assist me.

The battles were long and painstaking. In them many powerful demons were killed. I also learned in these battles that the sword left to me by Father is useless in battle. It does can not kill. I know that Inuyasha, on the other hand, was to be given a sword with an immeasurable power. I began to become desperate as the war dragged on for years. Again, Jaken, in one of his schemes to gain an alliance, sought my brother for assistance. He came back and informed me that Inuyasha had been seduced and ensorcelled by a mortal priestess. I was extremely angered, disgusted by his weakness, however I was not surprised. It seemed like a plausible thing for a sniveling half-demon to do. I made a mental note of this instant, deciding at that moment that Inuyasha was too much of a burden for me, a reminder of my past and present problems. I vowed at this instant to get rid of him should the opportunity ever arise. How right Father was in presuming that I would be a threat to his mangy, illegitimate excuse for a son. I hated to go against his wishes, but Inuyasha was simply the bane of my existence no matter which way I looked at it. He killed my parents first and foremost, and he could not even keep from falling in love with a witch who would lay him inert when he actually could have been of some use to me. All this _and_ he got the powerful of the two swords left behind by Father. This was more salt in my wounds. Why had Father left Inuyasha something of so much worth and me with a sword that would have been more useful as a paperweight? Did he really thing that little of me? I was enraged that my father seemed to care more for a half-demon mockery than myself. These vexing thoughts distracted me from the fight with the cat demons and may have been the reason for the ensuing draw. They retreated, however I had not killed them and thus I could not, to the unspoken delight of my enemies, declare victory. After this battle, I found some solace in the fact that Inuyasha was sealed to that tree and unable to do any further dishonor to me. I put him out of sight and out of mind and continued my life as if he didn't exist.

A/N:I want to try to convey Tenseiga as an apology from Sesshy's dad, playing off of what he said earlier about his father's apologies not being able to raise the dead...with the Tenseiga, they could. In this story, Sesshy's dad also gave it to him out of respect for his mother, who was really protective. And also I think it was meant to teach him compassion, which I will try to weave in. Okay. Sorry. Just trying to clarify this all to myself too.


	10. Interlude

When Father died, the other demon lords expected that I would fill the mould he had cut out for himself while he was alive. They anticipated that I would be the helpful ally he was, that I would engross myself in society as he did. But as it turns out, I could care less about their problems as long as I was not threatened by them. During the 50 years Inuyasha was under the spell, much political intrigue occurred between the lords of the land. To make a long story brief, there was immense squabbling over the lucrative Southern Lands. Taizomaru was able to drive his opposition, Hataki to the ends of his territory; however Hataki would not give up easily. He had the support of the Northern lord; Taizomaru a weak alliance in the East. That left only myself singled out from any manner of pact. With the stakes so high and the sides evenly matched, my friendship became a highly sought after political token. I found it most ironic that the elite were now vying for my assistance when they, only a few years prior, laughed in my face and denied me any of theirs. Taizomaru more than any of the others felt I was obligated to help him; for his parents were allies with my father. When I refused, the mouthy, stubborn fool threatened to make matters difficult for me, but in truth there was little he could do to follow through on the threat. For the time, it was the extent of my involvement in such matters. I despise these games where I am treated as a pawn and I certainly don't like play by anyone else's rules.

In lieu of engaging in social matters, I found it much more beneficial to seek power by other means. The sword, Tetsusaiga had become my primary target. Were I to posses it, my own power would increase a hundredfold. It was buried in my father's tomb; destined for my brother, my accursed half-demon brother who had managed to gain Father's favor in what I was coming to believe was a retrogressive farce. I sought the sword, but could not manage to find it.

Jaken, in one of his usual obsequious tangents, managed to concoct a plan to find Inuyasha, who he had learned through gossip had awakened. It was beneath me, however I went along with it for the chance that I might obtain what I desired. In a trick I found rather humorous, I deceived Inuyasha into believing his filthy human mother had been revived so he would reveal the whereabouts of the Tetsusaiga. Again sparing the details, I failed in my endeavor, and watched my brother walk away with a prize much greater than he deserved. It truly lit a fire within me, bringing out vindictiveness and adding even more to the ever-growing list of injustices he has caused me.

A/N: Oh boy. This is what I get for taking college-level history in high school. No free time…which is why it has been so long since I updated. Eh. Whatever. This chapter is short. I know. I'll try to make it more interesting soon. Sigh. Oh to experience writer's block!


	11. Tribulation and Irony

Alright! I already played DDR and Sims 2, so I figured I'd do some more not-studying! Yes! As always, any ideas are welcome and appreciated.Gracias.

* * *

I will spare, for my own sake, a series of degrading events in which I suffered defeat on behalf of Inuyasha and Naraku. The both of them, like the vile pestilences they are, have done nothing but aggravate me in every way possible, be it through injuring me (or my pride for that matter) as Inuyasha has, or using me as a pawn. Inuyasha had always been an annoyance, but this Naraku fool is a relatively new vexation of mine. Not only did he pull my strings to try to get me to kill Inuyasha, but he also went so far as to attempt to steal my power. I noticed because of this, however, that he is more unworthy and base than I first figured. He is weak and at the mercy if his own body, and he is cowardly, sending that Kagura woman or a puppet to do his bidding. The fact that I did not destroy him is rather aggravating, and I seek to dispose of him in the near future and keep up my reputation. Word spreads like wild fire in on the metaphorical political brush field.

"Did you hear?" they say in palaces and whorehouses alike, "Of Sesshomaru's failures? Indeed. He can't even defeat a creature made from a human and a heap of demon mush _or_ his half-breed brother. So powerful indeed!"

The other lords are not taking meas seriously as they once did. I suppose they think they stand a change against me merely because I have not accomplished a task that will prove to be menial once I can locate the dastardly edifice of my contempt. The true problem with Naraku has been finding him; however once I do and eradicate him, the buzz should wear down. The foolish humanitarian zealot Taizomaru in the East will quiet himself, I hope, for at present, he is openly conspiring against me. He is blowing the situation much out of proportion, threatening my leadership and plotting to replace me with a youthful demon who is his own supporter. This is not a bad idea per se, because he is a political radical, funneling much of the money and supplies he collects in his war efforts to the humans in his territory, not entirely unlike what Father had done. The other lords, especially Naga in the North, despise him for his compassion towards humans, yet despises anyone who competes with him. It would be impossible for the Eastern Lord to overtake me, unless of course I contract plague and even still it would be an improbability, however this has become a matter of principle. It is infuriating to think that these imbeciles, who until Naraku came about, feared me to the extent of quasi-paranoia are fostering thoughts of overtaking me.

There was even an attempt made on my life. The tenacious Southern lord Katsu hired an array of fanatical members of an extremist cult group of ninjas to assassinate me. The same obnoxious childhood acquaintance who had once been jokingly betrothed to me was the first to warn me. Eva even went out of her way to find and warn me.

"Yeah, hon, you better watch it," she said. "Katsu's got it out for you. You should probably expect those Amida ninjas to visit you sometime soon."

"And you know this how?" had I inquired.

"Oh you know. Katsu's pretty much a man whore. And when he's drunk, he just starts spewing his 'diabolical' plans like nobody's business. 'I'll get that son-of-a-bitch, Eva darling,' he told me, referring to you, obviously, and then he's like, 'Once he's gone, I'll put you in charge of his land.'"

I had been confused as to why she was professing such things when it seemed she had much to gain from them, but I soon recollected her manner of being and realized that she could care less about her political standing so long as she had what she wanted.

"So he's pretty much going to send assassins after you. He's paying them a lot too, like half of the salary of his top general…which is a lot. You should be so flattered! Katsu likes his money and I don't think he'd just throw it away on a nobody. Stingy bastard. God! I hate him so much! You know, he said I was his honored guest, but for some reason, he was treating the geishas better than me. So I poisoned them. But anyway, just watch your back. I don't hate you enough to withhold that kinda thing from you," she explained.

"Eva, you don't withhold a secret from anyone. You are looser with your tongue than with your morals, which is truly saying something," I replied, only slightly worried by what she had told me. The Amida ninjas are in fact the best of their kind, requesting ridiculous prices for assassinations. They had made attempts on Taizomaru, but even he was able to defeat them, so I lost no sleep over the matter.

Eva's warning did little more than agitate me more about my waning status. Needless to say the plan was a fiasco and it failed miserably, yet these profane disgraces are beginning to annoy me more and more with each passing day.

On a far different note, I am now beginning to appreciate, if only in minuscule proportions, the heirloom that Father bestowed me with. It was with this blade that I restored life to the young human girl Rin. I had first come across her; or rather she had come across me, while I was paralyzed after a run in with the Wind Scar. In spite of my bellicose temperament towards her, she continually made childish attempts to assist me. When I was at last able to walk again, I found her dead; mauled by wolves. Had her smile not crossed my mind at that instant, I would have continued on my way, yet I found it in me to test Father's sword; his apology to raise the dead. And it did just that. Almost to my surprise, the girl awakened. From then on, she persisted to follow me. She is hardly a bother, so I see no harm in allowing her to stay. In a strange sense, this awkward adolescent is almost a blessing, and although I dislike humanity, I can not find it in myself to leave her or allow anything negative to befall her. Why this is I am only beginning to understand myself, yet I suspect it is some sort if primitive dog-like instinct instilled in the reaches of my consciousness. It would be convenient to blame it on instinct, convenient for my own pride and self-image, yet the more I toy with the idea, the more I am lead to the ironic conclusion that I may actually have paternal feelings for this _human_ child.


End file.
